Downside to being pretty

By chris_swindells on 05 April 2021

Last night I was accosted by a young lady on the street, she stopped me just seconds before I got on my bus, tapping me on the shoulder to let me know my bag was half open. She smiled and let me zip up before I jumped on the 25 out east.

You're probably thinking 'what a surprisingly lovely thing for a Londoner to do'. But whilst it was lovely, and she was definitely a Londoner, it wasn't truly a surprise. At least not for me.

For all my life, as far back as I can remember, women have done kind turns for me. Letting me know my laces were undone, or my flies were undone, or I had fallen asleep on a night bus and my snoring was disturbing the other passengers. I've lost count of the times a lady has tapped or touch me gently in public, trying to find some small excuse to start a conversation with me.

Just last week on the way back from Altitude Festival a young lady I'd never met before asked me if I was "ok" when I was looking confuddled by the ticket machine at Gatwick Airport. I thanked her but explained I was fine and this was how I normally looked, especially after a short trip of great comedy and interviews with Milton Jones and Andi Osho.

Only last month another unknown woman came up to me and asked me if jesus was the answer, what was the question? I tried my hand and said 'complete the title of this popular Scottish rock band; The --- and the Mary Chain'. She didn't know it. The occasions might be different but there is one constant: my beautiful jaw-dropping appearance. I admit I'm no Gary Barlow, but I'm tall, slim and a little on the dark side.

I know how lucky I am. Many aren't blessed with such natural beauty.

If you're a man reading this, I'd hazard that you've already formed your own four letter opinion about me - and it won't be flattering. You might say I'm smug, conceited, a bit messy or an under-performing wingman but in truth jealously has overwhelmed you. Envy doesn't suit you.

If you're a woman you probably agree, or at best think my take on a now well discussed Daily Mail article is a little cliched and done to death. Not to worry my real death is impending, as we look forward to taking the Virtual Festivals crew out to Snowbombing 2012. We've previewed it here.

Hopefully see you all on the other side! Whatever you have planned enjoy the Easter weekend,

Chris and the VF Team


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