Terrorist basher offered festival stage

Retrofest steps in after T In The Park snub

04 July 2007

Following the foiled terrorist attack at Glasgow airport last weekend, the world truly has gone mad.

John Smeaton, the man who decked one of the would-be terrorists as he struggled with police, has been invited to take a bow on stage at Scottish festival Retrofest.

It follows an unsuccessful internet campaign to have Scotland's latest 'have a go' hero appear at T In The Park this weekend.

Organisers refused the frenzied request due to "heightened security", but they did praise the work of the burly Braveheart, who thumped a burning doctor as he tried to set fire to lots of petrol in his boot.

T In The Park boss Geoff Ellis said: “John Smeaton absolutely epitomises the spirit of Scotland that we are always so proud of at T in the Park."

But the fansite www.johnsmeaton.com has reacted angrily to T In The Park's rebuke. It argued: "Heightened security preventing the nation’s hero from meeeting his public? Who are they kidding? John Smeaton IS heightened security."

The website has already raised 1000 pints of beer for Smeaton by appealing to fans for donations. The lagers are apparently waiting for the airport baggage handler at the nearby Holiday Inn.

There are also calls to rename the international airport where he proved so heroic 'John Smeaton International Airport'.

Justifying the demand, the website set up in his honour rightly points out: "Those hapless al-Qaeda boys found out that Glasgow has no respect for international terrorism. Nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a £99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel."

Scotland's new first minister Alex Salmond is now said to be considering honouring the members of the public who reacted to Saturday's attack, including Smeaton.

Perhaps noticing a bandwagon, Retrofest have stepped in where T In The Park failed, offering the big man - described as "BAA's answer to Jack Bauer" - a chance to take a bow at the 80s-inspired event.

Promoter Brad Snelling claims the festival's location at Culzean Castle, in Ayrshire, is a fitting home for heroes such as Smeaton. Clever...

He said: "John is famous worldwide now and his website is fantastic. I'd love to see him take a bow on our main stage and kick things off on one of the days. We're getting in touch with him over the next few days to sort this out and make it happen.

"If he wants to come but keep a lower profile then that's also fine by me, but it would be nice if he gave people the chance to express their gratitude to him. He might find himself getting another thousands pints bought at Culzean."

"Who knows - if his favourite 80s band are playing we might even be able to get him to jam with them on stage. He might even want to adapt the old classic of 'I fought the law' to 'I fought the John - and the John won!'

"Also, you know everyone's going to behave if John Smeaton's about!"

Retrofest sees The Human League, Bananarama, ABC, Tony Hadley, Howard Jones, Belinda Carlisle and Curiosity Killed The Cat among many more acts you probably thought were dead.

It's taking place at Culzean Castle, Ayrshire, on September 1 and 2 and I really, really want to go. You can by clicking HERE.