Hammerfest 2010: Rated!

Pontin's Holiday Centre, Prestatyn - 11-13 March

Overall - 7/10

Hammerfest ticks all the right boxes without ever achieving the goosebumps factor that mark out a truly special event. The line-up is solid, if unremarkable, the organisation is smooth, bands play until silly o'clock on a airtight schedule and there’s literally everything a festival-goer could want under one roof: a full English breakfast, several bars serving cold pints, three stages within a stone’s throw of each other, a supermarket, fully functional toilets and chalets providing a bed for the night and a roof over your head (if little more). The planning is undeniably faultless.

Line-up-wise though, it's a very standard affair, with nothing on the bill (perhaps Suicidal Tendencies aside) that you couldn't catch at festivals around the UK and the frankly-ridiculous boasts of ‘Spring Exclusives’ for DevilDriver and Five Finger Death Punch could read ‘North-Wales-In-A-Holiday-Camp Exclusives’ for all it would matter.

Getting there and back - 8/10

Almost within spitting distance of England, it's hard to imagine anyone struggling to reach Hammerfest's Prestatyn setting at the very North of Wales.

Roads approaching the site snake between fields full of frolicking lambs and villages from another time. Stopping to ask the locals for directions proves fruitless - "A hammer what?" – but following the sea of black t-shirts leads you to the festival's front door and a huge site full of free and easy parking.

The site - 7/10

In the most unlikely of settings, Hammerfest takes place in a Pontin's Holiday Village, utilising stages that are presumably used by bad Robbie Williams tribute acts, magicians and men dressed in animal costumes. The third stage is simply the Queen Victoria pub, punters exit the building through the amusements and out back the organisers have even set up a small, although admittedly shit, funfair.

The chalets are just barely a step up from a caravan, and on-site entertainment stops and ends at pedalling around on a two-man kart contraption.

All that said, it's hard to argue with how perfectly suited the site is to hosting this: the stages are separated by no more than a minute's walk, there's food and drink, the accommodation is directly next to the venue. Barney Greenway of Napalm Death summed it all up perfectly mid-set: "Hi-de-fucking-Hi!"

Atmosphere - 7/10

The crowd bonds best in the mosh pit when the spirit of metal is kept alive by sweaty, bare-chested men (and the odd bold woman) who pick each other up just as fast as they knock one another down.

The fancy dress costumes that have become standard fare at festivals are found in the form of Darth Vader, zombies and pirates who look on top of the world in their out of the office approved suit they’ll be back in by Monday morning.

Skindred undoubtedly caused the biggest hangover of the weekend with their party antics, reggae-metal set bordering on a full-on drum and bass rave and their guitarist expertly thrashing out some killer riffs that beg your neck to headbang.

Uppers

Music -

Skindred - 9/10
On record, good but unremarkable. Live? One of the best acts in the UK. Skindred's reggae-metal is not amazing, but does it need to be when their groovy tunes are this danceable? The first and last time this weekend that the Hammerfest crowd gets their rave on, the set is a glow stick short of a full-on party.

Singer Benji is everything the metal gods decreed that a frontman should be - big rockstar sunglasses and all, he entertains the audience with stories that segue straight into killer riffs, in turns he screams and holds a melody, he commands the crowd and leaves no stone unturned - if you're not jumping around, you're not watching Skindred.

Napalm Death - 9/10
The twisted organiser responsible for Napalm Death's 00:30 slot has a lot to answer for. Metallers put their body through a whole day of mosh pits, bruises, cuts, black eyes and beer after beer, only to find the worst carnage has been saved until the wee hours of the morning? Cruel.

The die-hards use the last of their energy to circle pit, with wave upon wave upon wave of crowd surfing overhead, shoes flying off, projectile pints everywhere. It's an aural car crash with cuts from 'Scum' to 'Time Waits For No Slave' soundtracking the wreckage.

DevilDriver - 7/10
The band who once had a knock-back from Guinness in their attempt to record the world's biggest circle pit obviously don't care that it's not a valid category; they are still the finest in the world at whipping up a moshpit run-around, and viewed from on high in the seating gallery it looks like a black load in a washing machine.

Panic Cell - 8/10
Renowned as one of Britain's finest touring metal acts, Panic Cell sit on the cusp of their third album's release and on the strength of their Saturday set, it might be the one that propels them into the big time.

The band have never quite cracked it, despite tunes aired here like ‘Save Me’, ‘Away From Here’ and ‘Human Tarmac’ that are mammoth slabs of sing-along old-school rock with a modern metal twist, served expertly by a band tighter than a nun's private parts. Brilliant.

Elsewhere –

Security – 8/10
Presumably more used to directing the characters from Rainbow to the stage than the gathering of Dark Funeral fans, the men and women in the bright yellow jackets seem pleased with their change in fortunes.

Crowd-surfers aren’t body slammed like wrestlers when the breach the barriers and the weekend passes without any hint aggression and smiles all round form those pointing the way to the exits.

Suicidal Tendencies’ stage invasion – 9/10
The thrash/rap crossover legends never fail to disappoint when they arrive on a stage on these shores but the sight of scores of bandana-wearing devotees gate crashing the stage in a scene which would shock Iggy Pop is something to behold. It’s later rumoured one unfortunate bloke broke his leg in the stampede… we believe it.

Downers

Music -

Five Finger Death Punch - 5/10
If this was ten years ago, Five Finger Death Punch might make the Uppers list. But in 2010, there is no need for a new band to sound like old Slipknot. As if we've somehow forgotten nu-metal's masked warriors, frontman Ivan Moody even tells us to "Jump the fuck up!" in a move lifted straight from Corey Taylor. Maaaan, he’s one crazy-ass muthafucker…

Abgott – 3/10
Hammerfest’s sizeable second stage fares poorly all weekend – bar a few brief highlights – mainly because the bands who take the stage don’t have pull to fill the room but London’s black metallers have no luck with a dreadful sound only allowing drums and vocals passed the front monitors.

Random Events

Hammerfest itself has to be the most random event on the festival calendar, if not life itself. No matter how many shots of Jagermeister are consumed or how many Akercocke t-shirts are spotted, the nagging knowledge that great aunts and uncles will be back playing bingo in the same halls that declare to be ‘the defenders on metal faith’ never escapes the masses. Well, that and the sticky floral carpets. Thankfully, though they moved the kids with the ice cream cones and candy floss to another venue before the wall-of-death formed.

It’s perhaps that family holiday tradition which allows one drunken middle-aged man to sleep bolt upright in the middle of the venue on Friday night for more than two hours, without a tap on the shoulder from security.

By Graeme Johnston and Gavin McInally

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