Glastonbury 2003: The Best of the Rest

Julian Cope - Acoustic Stage - Friday 10 pm

Running an hour late, the arch-drude finally appears on stage unrecognisable in sunglasses and massive curly beard. Pulling his hood up as he claims he can't play without one, he begins with an interminably long rendition of 'That's the way love is' complete with an impressive array of weird noises. "Thanks & Good night" he quips as he leaves the stage. He reappears and tells us "I'm going to do something quiet now". After a few seconds, "Have you done it yet?" enquires a heckler. Next his guitar is in the wrong key, it's in E not fluorescent green!

After another couple of equally lengthly songs, we realise we're in for a long night when he suddenly launches an astonishing tirade against a security guard. Discovering he's Scottish, he demands to know "highlands or lowlands?", eventually eliciting the repsonse of "Glasgow". "Catholic or Protestant", "Catholic" comes the reply, "So you're virtually pagan then". "In Liverpool we have a phrase to describe you, you're as yes as you are no." At this point the hapless guard decides to ignore him, ensuring Julian's baiting becomes even more vocerifous, calling him "an Insecurity guard dwelling in a ditch" and finally leading to, "Paid Filth".

After playing "Double Vegetation", he informs us that "before he was an old dude, 21 years ago, he had a bad incident involving alcohol and the texas chainsaw massacre. Now he's grown a beard and beer tastes good." We decide to leg it to the relative sanity of the green fields!

The Egg - Lost Stage - 5 pm and Lost Vagueness Ballroom - Sat 5 am

Recently reformed after falling out with their guitarist, festival favourites The Egg can often be found in the strangest of places at Glastonbury. Their first set containing mostly tracks such as 'Venice Beach' from their new EP ' Mellowmania' certainly woke up the crowd in the sleepy Lost field. Combining infectious bleeps and wah-wah guitar, The Egg are insanely groovy especially on classics like 'Numbercruncher' and 'Getting away with it'. So much so, I dressed up in all my finery to experience them again along with all of the delights that are Lost Vagueness.

The place is astounding, access to the 50's diner and ballroom is open to all, but the delights of the casino can only be experienced by the well dressed. Under the watchful eye of the transvestite bouncer, no-one is allowed in without a suit or ballgown (free to hire if you haven't brought one) but don't feel you have to stick to gender stereotypes. I saw some lovely lads flaunting their legs in their floral frocks. Cabaret varies from the musical to circus performances and the whole place is magical. Back in the ballroom to see The Egg again, starting over 2 hours later than billed (at 5am), my spirits were flagging somewhat, but they still managed to whip the tent into a frenzy. The multiple projections looked superb and the band definitely enjoyed themselves as much as we did.

Snippets of Weirdness - "Leave your Preconceptions here"

2003 - The year of:

• Things on a stick - spotted so far - Pingu, a pigeon, a gnome, a doll holding a Stella, an owl, a wig with a spliff, an M&M or two, a duck and a snake
• Extremely pointy brown 'Mushroom' hats
• Pointy pixie ears to match
• Texting everyone you know when anything happens