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Glastonbury Tickets: The Inquest!

05 April 2004

As the Glastonbury Festival sells out in record time, we ask ‘Who is to blame?’ - Paul McCartney, Mean Fiddler, Michael Eavis, or someone else? Canada, perhaps? We also address a few other 'issues' raised by critics of the festival!

Government Humour Warning: This article does contain Satire, which some readers may be allergic to...

"The emphasis on security at the festival these days sucks!"

Most would agree that 2000 was the year that sprung Glasto from the realms of 'what Radiohead fans do to get trenchfoot' into the domains of a weekend break for twenty-somethings who fancy getting off their faces for the weekend. With everyone and their dog making a play for the woefully under-secured fence, the kind of gridlock that 250,000+ people cause was evident no more so than after the Chemical Brothers' defining set on the Saturday night.

Suffice to say, the millions that Michael Eavis has invested in recent years, building the (sadly non-electrified) fence and upping security measures, has generally worked a treat. Although considered a little over-tranquil by some negative creeps, last year's event had minimal crime and the atmosphere was one of divine friendliness. The Scousers were out in force, but luckily they were mostly The Coral an co., rather than the notorious tent-slashing variety of previous years.

As a thought to further improve things in the future, how about enlisting MI5 to run background checks on everyone buying tickets? This way they could not only stop criminals coming and cutting up innocent tree huggers, but could also ensure that no one earning (or whose parents earn less than) a certain amount, attend. That way, the numerous stalls and cafes would be free to sells their wares at prices able to subsidise the very reasonable ticket price of £110. No more would you have to suffer people trying to sponge cigarettes off you. Daddy would have sorted them out good and proper.

"It's so annoying that they don't reveal the line-up earlier!"

Criticism is also frequently hurled at Glastonbury for being so secretive about its line-up. As is set out in the Festival's license, the bill cannot be advertised in advance, although of course many, like Macca, have announced themselves, or have been 'strongly rumoured' in the press, (see: Oasis, Muse, Morrissey and every other band you've ever heard of). The advantages of this are wider reaching though.

For one thing, keeping the roster under wraps helps ensure that only the devoted featival-goers go. Rather than letting the event be besieged by fat, largered up Oasis fans or spotty, under-aged Muse kids, well paid businessmen seeking a break from the mundane can thus enjoy the event in peace. There's nothing worse than spending the weekend in a field with mad, fanatical Radiohead fans. But only the middle classes bemoan spending the weekend with the middle classes.

- Click here to discuss this on the Festival Forums!
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Article by: Andrew Future

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