Virtual Festivals: Last time we chatted you were at Wakestock. How does Leeds compare?
Mystikal: Thereís not as much sea and a lot more grass, but as ever weíre smoking as much as we can come across so itís all much of the same in that respect. But thereís no real comparison between Leeds and Wakestock. They're totally different. What I loved about Wakestock was the friendly party vibe Ė definitely a massive big up to the North Wales crew from all the GLC if any of you are reading. They're nuts. The thing is you canít really compare these things. Every little rave adventure is totally different and youíve got to enjoy each one for its own identity and merit. You canít predict how oneís going to go from your experience of the last because youíll always be a bit surprised, which is usually a good thing. Although my experience at the V Festival was a nightmare. I canít really go into it, but I would say be wary of strangers offering you certain things.
VF: Howís the rest of the 'Chain' and what are they up to?
M: A few members weíre violently sick this morning due to their nocturnal activities but thanks to a combination of cider, fags, draw and Rizla we managed to pull it off on stage and, all in all, I reckon we did pretty well for the opening performance of the day. The crowd seemed to get into it anyway.
VF: You just gatecrashed the charts at number three. Where does it go from here?
M: I think world domination is the least of our priorities. Weíre more committed to getting Newport back on the map and bringing joy and love to all the people coming to see us Ė sexual or otherwise.
VF: And whatís next for the beard? Whereís that going?
M: I plan to keep it going until I look like Ming The Merciless from Flash Gordon. I might bead it or I might plat it but I donít want to dread it. It will look a bit too Machinehead and Iíll come across like a mentalist. I could go the whole Uncle Albert and get it really bushy but I get enough Crunchy Nut Cornflakes stuck in it as it is.
VF: Like the old scary guy out of Roald Dahlís ĎThe Twitsí?
M: Yeh, exactly. I canít get rid of them. Iíve got a funny story about Roald Dahl. I met this guy recently whoís relative of some sort knew him and used to get stoned with him. Apparently he used to have a massive stash in his shed in his garden and heíd sit there for hours getting stoned and writing stories, out of reach from the authorities so to speak.
VF: How does it feel to be banned from playing Top Of The Pops because of your references to firearms in ĎGuns Donít Kill People Rappers Doí?
M: Itís pretty hilarious to be honest. Weíve all got a lot of respect for Andy Peters, the guy who made the decision, but he should definitely be sent back to the broom cupboard for this mishap. Top Of The Pops has all gone down hill since it moved from Thursday to Friday anyway. Where have all the wankers in tracksuits swearing gone? Itís quite simply the end of hope, humanity and the rest of mankind. But it is nice to see a song that I like in the charts for once Ė not that the rest of the chartís shite, itís just you canít dance to much of it these days.
VF: Where did the phrase Ďyour motherís got a penisí come from?
M: Iíd like to say itís from a real life episode, maybe it is you know. But ultimately itís the biggest put-down you can give someone. When youíre in the pub and someoneís giving you shit, just turn around and tell him, Ďlisten mate, your motherís got a penis.í Heíll soon shut up. Or itís also pretty good in a road rage situation.
VF: Any final thoughts? Words of GLC wisdom?
M: OK here goes. When in the festival environment, trust everyone implicitly until they offer you drugs. If you say no, fair play to you. But if you take up the challenge you may regret it because youíre likely to be up for three days without any sleep. Rave safe.