In what is possibly the most unoriginal take on the A to Z, we look ahead to V Festival in our very own A to V.
Whether you're a festival virgin or a I’ve-bought-all-the-merch-since-the-first-ever-one-type of regular, the goings on at V Festival can change more times than Lady Gaga would at a clothes swap-a-rama and it's hard to keep up. So we thought we’d give you this handy print off and bin guide to the festival in a little bit of alphabetical fun.
A is for App
It’s all the rage to spend your festival weekend looking through the lens of your new smart phone. But to make sure you’re actually at the right event, V Festival have created a bespoke app for 2010 – staying stuck to Facebook has never been easier. It also has a clashfinder, an interactive map that allows you to pinpoint your tent and it even includes weather updates. The downside? You have to have a Nokia to get it and it’s unable to stop Daisy Dares You from playing.
B is for the Bacardi B-Live Bar
If the rum cocktails don’t get that bum of yours wiggling, than the likes of Greg Wilson, MJ Cole, A Skillz and the hyperactive Kissy Sell Out certainly will.
C is for Celebrities
Heat readers grab your camera: V Festival is choc-a-bloc full of celebrities. Beyonce and Lady Gaga might not be kicking back at the V Stage but James Corden and Natalie Cassidy are likely to nip out from the backstage area for the headliners, so be on your guard.
D is for Dance music
Crikey! With The Prodigy, Faithless, Groove Armada, David Guetta, Calvin Harris and Chase And Status all playing we could be at Creamfields.
E is for Eli ‘Paperboy’ Reed
Hold the front page! The soul boy will have to get back onto his bike to deliver a few more newspapers. He and his band now won’t be playing V because it isn’t financially-viable to get his eight-piece band over here. Can someone pay them a little more please? Or can you just not pay Feeder?
F is for Florence
The omnipresent crimson chanteuse (and her Machine) is currently more popular among the kids than i-dosing and after umpteen shows on the festival circuit already his summer she should have her show nailed by the time her flower-covered coach chugs along the M1.
G is for Green
No, not the must have colour for summer (that’s yellow), we’re talking about the environment here. Big Green Coach are planting a tree for every full bus they take to the festival, while The Green Tent Company are producing recyclable tents. Make a difference where you can: take tents home, recycle your pint glasses and don’t pee in the hedges.
H is for Heels
Possibly the only festival website that advises patrons not to wear heels. If you’ve packed them, take them back out – you’re in a field for the weekend, not Faces nightclub. If you’re having footwear issues, verge towards taking wellies rather than five-inch stilts.
I is for Illegal Substances
Drugs are just as illegal at festivals as they are anywhere else and there will be random (“is he acting shifty Sarge?”) searches of festival-goers and their belongings when they go into the campsite and arena. Festivals aren’t the best place to start trying drugs either, everyone knows you should begin at home with your mate Dave and a Leftfield album.
J is for Just Dance
If you don't like the look of the dance line up this year. Fear not, we have the answer: the new and improved Just Dance Disco Bus. That’s right engage in some computerised dance battles on a double decker instead of guzzling down some party smarties for The Prodigy. Or maybe not.
K is Kings Of Leon and Kasabian
Organisers clearly only got as far as K in their little black book of bands but what a duo. Kasabian have been biting at the bill-topper bit for the last few years and Kings Of Leon couldn’t get any bigger if they were stuck in a grow bag stuffed with enough pigeon-poo manure to fill St Louis’ Verizon Amphitheatre. The headlines await boys – do us proud.
L is for Looking Good
There’s no excuse not to stand out in the crowd this year. There will be professional make up artists onsite ready to make you sparkle. Glammed up, you're bound to be making a lot of heads turn your way, so you won’t need to pack your morph suit and Morris dancers ankle bells.
M is for Mysterious Girl
Not the short-skirted snorer that you’ve found asleep next to you in a tent you’re pretty sure isn’t yours – did you bring a pop-up? – but the track Peter ‘ITV’ Andre will leave until last for his Arena Stage set.
N is for NME
Fancy yourself as a bit of stalker or looking to make a quick buck by having your merchandise signed? Thanks to NME you'll be given the chance to go and hunt down your favourite bands (legally) at the NME singing tent for pictures and pop those goodies on ebay by Monday morning.
O is for those ‘Oh My God!’ moments
The festival looks set to be packed with many ‘Oh My God!’ moments – the ones you’ll be drunkenly phoning through to your ticket-less peers: “can you hear them? Haha it’s brilliant, isn’t Dave! Dave?” Let’s take Faithless dropping ‘We Come 1’ or Kerry Katona trying to blag her way into the backstage bar as examples: Oh. My. God. (Also see C for Celebrities)
P is for Pets
No pets are allowed, not even with a ticket, so take that hamster out of your bag now. Guide dogs for the deaf and blind are, however, most welcome. If you want some animal-related fun, we can suggest the Pet Shop Boys on The Arena stage.
Q is for queues
Yup, you’re going to see more queues than Countdown does in a year, especially at the mobile phone charging stand where those with the Nokia apps are waiting patiently to update their Twitter accounts.
R is for Richard Branson
We’re not sure he’s even involved with the festival anymore, but if you spot him slap a high five his way.
S – Sold Out/Stereophonics/Scouting For Girls
Everything we have under ‘S’ involves ‘missing out’ and not all in a bad way. If you haven’t got golden passes to the gates of V, then sorry kid you’ll have to watch it on TV after the pub because it sold out months ago. Stereophonics’ drab, schlock rock and Scouting For Girls piano-pop dross should be avoided, you won’t be missing out.
T is for Toilets
Ew, gross. Yeah it doesn’t look pretty down there, but it isn’t hanging in the Tate is it? The toilets are likely to be grim and yes, that is either piss or diarrhoea you’ve plonked your bottom onto in the dark. So keep it simple: girls, hover and blokes, even if you’ve had a few try and get it down the hole.
U is for ‘Use Somebody’
Looking to be one of the best sing-alongs of the weekend, Kings of Leon are bound to expect some crowd participation for this one so make sure you swot up on your lyrics.
V is for viagogo
With tickets having sold out months ago, the only place to securely buy tickets is from secondary ticketing site viagogo. At the time of going to print tickets start from £50 and the site guarantees that it will never sell a ticket it doesn’t have.
Click here to buy V Festival tickets.
Big Green Coach have announced that they are working directly with this year's festival, providing ticket and travel packages for fans.
The environmentally responsible travel company has a number of weekend camping passes for both sites with coaches running from a number of major cities.